Grief journey takes new turn

My journey through the darkness of grief continues … but I am happy to report that it appears to be moving into a new phase.

It’s undefined at this moment, but I am sensing comfort in the company of good friends.

I met two dear friends today. One of them is recovering from major back surgery. She is in rehab at a Frisco hospital. Her husband is there, too, sleeping on an uncomfortable couch in her room.

I made the drive from Princeton to see them. I was anxious to (a) get out of the house for a couple of hours and (b) to enjoy the company of these two delightful individuals.

During our visit, we found ourselves not dwelling on my sadness. Yes, there was a moment when I talked about my dear bride, Kathy Anne, and couldn’t continue through the tears.

The moment passed quickly and we resumed whatever it was we were discussing. Our chat turned to political matters in Amarillo, where they have relocated after living briefly in the Metroplex before deciding their roots on the Caprock were too deep to abandon.

We looked back at a number of issues that I had been following during my years as a journalist in Amarillo. They remain involved in the life of the community. We chatted about their son and his wife. We talked about my sons and their lives.

Our visit took many fascinating turns during the hour-plus I sat with my friends.

Why bring this up? Because the journey on which I have embarked since my bride’s passing on Feb. 3 has been mostly dark. I had found myself thinking mostly about her final days on this Earth. I also have discovered that I am able to share others’ joy, such as my friend’s recovery from back surgery and their return to the community that gave them their identities.

I am thinking less about myself, especially when I am in the company of others. That’s a big deal, man!

The journey will continue. I don’t expect it to be an easy path toward the light, but I am beginning to see some glimmers.

johnkanelis_92@hotmail.com

Congressman: top-tier boor

Ronny Jackson has a bottomless pit from which he draws his boorishness and his uncanny ability to make an utter ass of himself.

The two-term congressman from the Texas Panhandle — a former White House physician to two presidents, Barack Obama and Donald Trump — says President Biden’s doc is engaging in a “cover-up” of Biden’s actual health.

Jackson said — yet once again — that Biden must take a cognitive exam to prove he is mentally fit to run the nation. President Biden recently underwent a physical exam and was deemed fit and able to govern.

That ain’t good enough for the Republican fire-breather, Jackson. He continues to diagnose the president from a great distance, having never seen his medical history or providing a shred of evidence to back up the defamatory comments he makes about the commander in chief.

I just wish Ronny Jackson would shut his pie hole. That won’t happen. I just have to get this demand off my chest.

I also want to admonish my former Texas Panhandle neighbors and friends — many of whom voted for this dipsh** — for the mistake they made in sending him to Congress.

johnkanelis_92@hotmail.com

What’s so terribly wrong?

Listening the past two days to Nikki Hailey makes me ask: What in the world is she talking about by proclaiming the need to repair a broken nation?

The declared Republican presidential candidate — and former South Carolina governor — is talking up some goofy notion about the alleged “failures” of the nation during President Biden’s time in office.

Let me think. Record numbers of jobs created; a historically low jobless rate; alliances affirmed around the world; infrastructure bills enacted; anti-gun violence legislation approved; tax cuts for middle-class Americans; reductions in the budget deficit.

What am I missing?

We aren’t cratering, Ms. Hailey. Indeed, the nation is doing quite well. Really! We are!

What is it that Hailey proposes to repair? The only drawbacks I can discern are coming from the right-wingers who insist on banning abortion, who want our kids to stop studying racial bias in school, who are going to war against what the call a “woke” society.

Nikki Hailey also refuses to condemn or even criticize any policy promoted by the other Republican candidate in the 2024 presidential race, Donald Trump. Is she going to run against him, or not? If she is, then spell out differences. If not, then just say so … dammit!

Hailey is just a chump.

johnkanelis_92@hotmail.com

What to make of this guy?

Donald Trump’s ongoing saga has produced a lengthy cast of characters, good guys and bad guys who are easily identifiable as one or the other.

Except for one fellow.

He is Michael Cohen, Trump’s former lawyer-fixer-go to guy.

I don’t quite know what I should think of him. Is he a good guy because he now is firmly in the corner that opposes Trump and is working to ensure that the ex-POTUS get indicted for crimes he allegedly committed? Or is he bad guy because he did jail time because of the dirty work he did on Trump’s behalf and at his behest?

As I listen to Cohen these days refer to Trump as “the former guy” and as he details his hope that the Justice Department heaves Trump into the proverbial drink, I cannot get past what this fellow did while he worked for Trump.

He assisted in enabling Trump to cover up his so-called tryst with the porn star Stormy Daniels. He maneuvered Trump’s legal strategy at various turns to benefit Trump, which I am certain is why Trump paid him to be his lawyer.

But wait! Cohen did time in jail. He got out and now has become one of Trump’s fiercest enemies. He appears on TV to say frequently that he believes the Justice Department, state attorneys general and district attorneys have the goods on Trump. He makes that assertion with demonstrable glee in his voice and on his face.

I want to believe him, as I have been a Trump critic since long before he announced his 2016 presidential campaign.

If I could just set aside his past role as a Trump go-to fellow, then I would have a less difficult task trying to figure out what to think of his conversion.

For the moment, though, I guess I’ll have to declare myself to be a qualified ally of a guy who purports to know more about Donald Trump than most folks.

johnkanelis_92@hotmail.com

‘No!’ to using public money for payout

Dade Phelan is putting his foot down as speaker of the Texas House of Representatives and my hope is that the Legislature follows his lead.

Phelan opposes any notion of the Legislature appropriating taxpayer money to pay Attorney General Ken Paxton’s settlement with several lawyers who filed a whistleblower complaint against the state’s AG.

Paxton and the lawyers reached a settlement that requires Paxton to pay $3 million without admitting any guilt or issuing any apology for the complaint they filed. He will avoid any accountability for this latest (alleged) transgression.

Phelan told KTVT Channel 11 news that spending public money is an inappropriate use of taxpayers’ funds. I happen to stand with the speaker on that one. How does Paxton come up with the money he will have to pay? I don’t know, nor do I give a damn.

The settlement does spare the state from having to pay for an expensive trial, so in a significant sense the agreement is a win for Texans. That doesn’t justify spending public money to pay off the attorney general’s penalty for firing the lawyers who acted out of conscience to expose what they believe is corruption within the attorney general’s office.

My personal preference would be for a state trial jury to convict Paxton of securities fraud, a charge for which a Collin County grand jury indicted him back in 2015. Paxton has been skating around any accountability for that allegation almost since the day he took office.

My plea at this moment? Stand firm, Speaker Phelan … and don’t let the Texas House approve any public money to pay this settlement.

johnkanelis_92@hotmail.com

Mike Pence: making history

Mike Pence is one of 49 individuals who have held the office of vice president of the United States of America.

He has made history. Yes, this history-making vice president stands alone as the only person ever subpoenaed by a grand jury. He has been summoned to appear before the panel to testify about alleged criminal activity committed by the individual he served for four years.

Yes, that would be Donald John Trump.

Trump is being investigated for (a) inciting a mob to attack the government, (b) for spiriting classified documents out of the White House and (c) for conspiring to overturn the election results in Georgia by demanding that the state’s top election official “find” enough votes to steal a win for Trump.

The grand jury wants Pence to tell it what he knows about the first thing, the insurrection. He says he will fight the subpoena. He will cite some goofy “client” privilege, in that he spoke to Trump while both men were still in office.

Bulls***! That’s all I have for that notion.

As for Pence’s making history, he should stand alone as the only VPOTUS to serve a certifiable crook in the White House.

johnkanelis_92@hotmail.com

In the mood for philosophical thought

Waxing philosophical is not the normal grist that fuels this blog, but at this moment, I am in the mood for some of it.

So … here goes.

My mind and my heart have been traveling at light speed since earlier this month. I am realizing in real time how precious our time on Earth is and I am vowing privately — I guess now I am making it public — to make the most of the time I have left.

I wanted desperately to have more time to share adventures with my bride. That won’t happen now. I am left more or less to make do on my own. I will do that. Kathy Anne would insist on it. Indeed, she did insist on it once long ago as we talked about how we would proceed without the other one by our side.

She insisted that I stay focused on things that interest me and never stop pursuing them. As I recall that conversation, she made that statement in the form of a directive.

My two years in the Army long ago taught me to obey orders. I will obey hers.

I have known all along that our time on the good Earth is short. None of us gets out of here alive, as one of my newspaper colleagues used to say.

I am going to keep writing. I will finish, hopefully soon, a memoir I’ve been writing that I plan to leave for my sons. Kathy Anne pitched the idea to me about the time my career came to an unannounced end more than a decade ago. I think it’s about two-thirds done.

We liked to travel. I will do more of it. I have a couple of bucket-list destinations in mind: Australia is No. 1, followed closely by a photo safari to Africa. Don’t hold me to visiting those places. As I learned in horrific detail not long ago, fate can deliver an immovable obstacle without warning.

Life almost always teaches hard lessons. I have tried to be a good student of the “curriculum” that comes my way. This is the sternest test yet. I intend to give it every ounce of strength I can.

There. Philosophy lecture is over.

johnkanelis_92@hotmail.com

Pence plays VP dodge ball

What would happen if you or I received a subpoena from the attorney general of the United States? Would any of us be able to hide behind some nebulous “executive privilege” clause that protects us from answering questions under oath from duly constituted investigators?

Oh … I kinda doubt it.

However, former Vice President Mike Pence has been summoned by the Justice Department to tell the legal eagles what happened during the 1/6 insurrection. Pence said he won’t comply. He will bob and weave his way out of testifying, contending that what he and Donald Trump — the insurrectionist in chief — said to each other is privileged conversation.

It appears to be a monumental legal stretch for Pence to make that argument stick.

Pence reportedly wants to run for president. The fellow he served as VP, Trump, already is running for the office in 2024. Pence and Trump already are estranged … reportedly! I mean, Trump said the traitorous mob should have lynched him; he said Pence lacked the guts to overturn the 2020 election results; he accused Pence of being a wimp.

All the VP did on 1/6 was, shall we say, follow the law and the U.S. Constitution while presiding over a joint congressional session gathered to count the Electoral College votes and certify Joe Biden as the winner of the 2020 election.

For my money, Pence is playing a fool’s hand if he expects to get out of testifying. I don’t want to think of Pence as being a fool.

But then again, he agreed to serve with Donald Trump.

johnkanelis_92@hotmail.com

Writing becomes addiction

Discoveries of oneself come at the most astonishing moments. In my case, my latest discovery comes at a time of intense personal grief.

I have learned that writing this blog is therapeutic. It is cathartic. It gives me comfort.

My beloved bride passed away on Feb. 3. Writing about the event and the journey on which I have embarked since then has filled me with an intense desire to keep writing on this blog, which I created so many years ago. It is full of archived text and pictures. I look back on much I have posted and am, frankly, amazed at the volume of material I have launched into cyberspace.

My chronicles about political matters and public policy remain the focus of this blog. I intend to keep firing away at those who deserve a brickbat or three from me. I also intend to offer bouquets to those who deserve a good word — or three — again, from me. High Plains Blogger isn’t limited to just those matters. I also want to offer “slice of life” observations, which I have done since the blog’s beginning.

I will beg the indulgence of those who read this stuff, as I will continue to write about my journey through grief.  Why do so? Because I know in the depths of my soul that many others have traveled along this path before me. They can relate to the pain I am enduring. I want them to know I salute their courage as they have found their way out of the darkness.

Therefore, I can think of no better venue — at least for me — than to put words into my laptop and send it your way. It’s good for me to write them and I hope it is good for those who read them.

johnkanelis_92@hotmail.com

Turning a key corner

I had said in an earlier post I was going to back off my commentary over dealing with grief … but I now am going to renege on that statement with this brief post.

I want to declare to those who have been following my journey through the darkness after my darling bride’s passing from cancer that I am starting to turn a key emotional corner.

I am finding myself quite able to conduct business, to do certain tasks and — most importantly — to actually smile and laugh.

The only time I crack is when I talk about Kathy Anne, when I remember something about her, when I recall the love we shared, when I bring back memories of the glorious journey we took over the span of 51 years.

Indeed, I am welling up as I write those words.

However, I am sensing the start of a new normal for my life. I don’t yet know where it will lead me. I am confident, though, that I will find my way to the light. I am learning, too, to take it all one day at a time.

I have learned yet another valuable life lesson and something more about myself. It is that life must go on even as we deal with shocking, shattering loss. I am going through it to this moment and I am beginning to believe I can get through it.

johnkanelis_92@hotmail.com

Commentary on politics, current events and life experience