These words likely won’t ever fly out of Donald J. Trump’s mouth, but I’ll suggest them anyway in advance of the president’s next political rally, set for tonight in Wisconsin.

Here goes:

Thank you, ladies and gentlemen. Before I get into my remarks about the upcoming midterm election, I want to speak for just a moment about the news of today.

I condemn in the strongest terms possible the despicable threats leveled against two former presidents, Bill Clinton and Barack Obama and their families, against former CIA director John Brennan, against CNN, Rep. Maxine Waters, and against George Soros, the Democrats’ big campaign donor. I have pledged the government will work full time to find out who sent those explosives to these individuals and to CNN and we will bring them to justice.

Yes, I know I have spoken harshly against them. Some of them have spoken against me. The rhetoric has gotten too heated. It’s time now to “unify” the country. I can start right here and now with this speech.

Yes, I want Republicans to win. I want them keep control of Congress. I will fight for them with all my being. 

The time for denigrating our foes, for sanctioning violence with rhetoric is over. We need to restore a semblance of civility.

And from this moment forward, if you start yelling “Lock her up” or “Lock him up,” or question the patriotism of our foes, I will call you out, urge you to stop doing that.

***

Do you think that will happen? I don’t either. But you know, I am no longer going to be surprised or shocked at anything this president says or does.

Sure, this is the weirdest president we’ve ever seen. His weirdness actually could produce a stunning rhetorical reversal.