I just discovered something about the grief I am enduring at this moment … which is that recalling memories of the loved one I just lost serves as a salve for the pain that continues to cut deeply into my heart.
Many of you know already that I lost my bride this past Friday to cancer. The diagnosis came the day after Christmas. Then she was gone.
My sons and I are planning a service soon here in North Texas. One of them joined me in meeting with the pastor who will officiate at Kathy Anne’s graveside service. The Rev. Mally Baum — who my bride and I only recently got to know when we began attending the church where Mally serves — asked me questions about my bride.
She wanted to know more about her life journey and about her faith journey. My son and I shared much with her. We laughed out loud at some of the goofy things my wife would say. We shared her story, talked about her upbringing, I recalled the day she appeared before me at the college we both attended, about our story together and how we insisted on holding hands when we walked together.
Remembering those things brings comfort to me and to my sons.
Is it pain free? Of course not! I still well up … easily, in fact. Then it passes.
My friends tell me the grief will not subside quickly. They remind, though, that it will eventually. I believe Joe Biden’s wisdom when he has told Americans that the tears we shed when we think of lost loved ones will give way to smiles and laughter.
It’s happening to me now. albeit in teeny, tiny increments.
Grief, indeed, can teach us much about ourselves. I am learning about myself in real time.
